Blaming The Victim Needs To Stop

This past weekend after celebrating a joyous holiday season, which of course begins with Yule and ends with Christmas Day, my car was went into without my permission and the contents of my car were thrown about. Upon further realization I saw that the change I had in my car was missing and that the trash was sprawled all around it. My Goodwill finds were left unbroken and untouched, something I am grateful for. However they decided to remove my Brigid's cross and throw it on passenger's seat, leave my car repair receipts inside and didn't bother throwing away the trash. How does that make me feel? Violated, taken advantage of, but most of all angry. Angry that someone had the nerve to come into my car and steal my cash, a precious item that I was going to use in case my tires get low or I needed toll money. Cash that I have very little of, but I guess if you need money bad enough to steal it, then you can have the $4 I gave you. Perhaps I can write it off during my tax returns.

I was angry most of the day, having to leave for work before I could file a police report. As one would do, I vented my frustrations out on Facebook, hoping to gain some sort of support or words to calm me down, instead it made me angrier.

I initially contact my aunt, who used to work as a police officer who is now retired, to ask her opinion on the situation. She immediately asked if I locked my car, to which I said "guess not". She laughs innocently enough and gives me the advice I seek. I post this status to my feed, which conjures up more emotions inside of me.*

Do you see how many shares this received? Exactly.

I generally was not interested in a pity party or a lecture in locking my cars, but that is precisely what I received on my regular account **. I received only two other text messages and two other people who expressed interest in what had happened to me, all of them along the lines of this:

And though most of these messages were trying to be helpful, all it did was end up making me angrier. What difference does it make if I locked my car or not? Surely yes, the obvious thing is that my car probably would not have been invaded as it did, but why should I have to lock my car? I should be able to leave it unlocked and expect it to remain the way I left it in the morning. I shouldn't have to constantly fear that someone is going to invade my personal space and take my things, why did no one realize that? Eventually my anger got to a boiling point and I posted this* :

(Language Warning)

I still stand by this statement. Where was the cry over someone who ROBBED me? It was instantly blamed as my fault for leaving my car unlocked. Though I have no right to compare, that's the same exact notion as blaming a rape victim for dressing a certain way which caused them to be raped. That's how I honestly felt, victimized. We have a right to dress any way we want without the fear of being touched inappropriately just as I have the right to leave my car unlocked without someone messing with my belongings. 

But that's how we as a society are now. So quick to blame the victim for messing up or being comfortable in a situation to let their guard down. So easy to place the guilt on the victim and to ultimately make them feel even worse for the wrong things that happened to them. NO MORE.

STOP. BLAMING. THE. VICTIM.

It is the WRONG doers fault for breaking the law or getting themselves into the situation. Where is the outcry for them? Where is the outcry for justice? When as a society, we feel it socially acceptable to make the person who is suffering feel worse? Wake up America.

Whether it's gun violence, assault, theft, murder, etc. it is NEVER okay to blame the victim in any way, shape or form. 

However, in my case I did end up receiving a ton of support on my private account.

(Language Warning)

Which I am most utterly grateful for. It's nice to know my community is more kind hearted then my own family and people I have known since grade school, but what can you do?

I won't let these people get to me, I will continue to live my life as I did before. However for most people this isn't the case. The victim's do not get their support or comfort, which is why you always watch what you say to people. You never know what they are dealing with.

Remember to spread positivity, acceptance and most importantly love to the world.

Much Love and Light my loves,

Ganshmi

*Names and images have been removed and/or blurred over privacy concerns.

** I have two Facebook accounts, one as my regular one and the other for my pagan friends. I am still in the broom closet.

Overwhelming Love From MahaLakshmi

Om Shreem Heem Lakshmyai Namaha

Greetings My Loves!

I wanted to share an experience I had with mother Lakshmi about a month ago that I thought would be interesting and insightful.

I was having a few rough days. Thanksgiving was only a few days away and my family decided to leave me behind so I could house and pet sit. They do this almost every year and it's not the first time they thought nothing of leaving me behind. Granted, I never told them how leaving me behind makes me feel directly, but I can only imagine they are aware of how I feel to an extent, given that I have expressed disappointment when they make trips without me for the soul reason I do not live under their roof anymore.

My friend was hosting a Soul Circle Gathering where once a month pagans can gather to a certain location, learn a lesson about gratitude or whatever the month's theme was, and then have a meditation afterwards that ties it all together. It usually consists of five woman, one of them being myself. We're trying to expand it's numbers currently and are already succeeding in its popularity. But I digress, we had our 'class' on what to be thankful for. I wrote down the basics, a home, my boyfriend, friends, family, my life, my job, and so on. Then I wrote down what I would like to blossom into my life. A new job, a house [in which my boyfriend and I will be looking for one soon this coming year] and a few other things I have been struggling with in 2015. We finished the class with a bang and everyone was having a good time. Then came time for the meditation.

Mother Goddess Lakshmi

The meditation itself was quite sweet. The lights were dimmed in the room while gentle music breezed through my eardrums, letting the gentle light of the loving moon, or as Lakshmi worshippers call the moon Uncle, gaze down upon my plump form. I laid down on the floor completely, letting the meditation bring me into a higher state of consciousness os my friend began reading the script. Closing my eyes, I pictured the lush green forest my friend was describing to me. Long and tall trees as far as my eyes could see, a gentle dirt below my naked feet as I took steps towards a well in the middle of the forrest. After the well appeared a cave and I entered it, seeing a dim light leading towards a stone structure of a throne with a woman gazing at me with a huge inviting smile. It only took a few minutes to realize who the beautiful woman was: Lakshmi. Her black hair cascading down her back as her outfit was green with red and gold detailing. She walked over to me slowly, seeing as how I was stunned by her presence. I had met with her in various meditations before but I was not expecting her to grace my presence this day. She embraced me as a mother would, causing tears on both realms to form within my eyes, my eyes turning red from the tears flowing freely.

All she did was hold me, petting my hair gently as she consoled me from the emotions I was holding inside of myself. Then for what seemed as if it was too short of a time, it was time to come back. I thanked her for her motherly blessing and bid her goodbye, coming back to the realm to notice my cheeks were stained with fresh tears. I told my classmates what had happened, causing more tears to flow freely. I was releasing all the emotions I had been holding back inside, letting it cleanse of of the negativity that was kept inside my heart. 

It still feels like a huge blessing on her part to have her just hold me, a loving gentle goddess that could be doing anything in the world, taking the time to reach out and console me. I feel so honored and humbled knowing she cares that deeply for me. Not that I did not love her before, but that night was the night I truly loved her.

Love & Light,

Ganshmi

Book Review: Lakshmi Mantra Magick by Baal Kadmon

Upon seeing this book on the internet, I thought I had honestly struck a gold mind. I have been looking for reading material on my mother goddess and wanted anything and everything to read up on her to obtain more knowledge.* The book promised mantras and an inside depth of these mantras. I had expected a great read that was unique and from a current worshipper of Hers. Sadly, I was mistaken.

If you want a reference book of the things you already know, then this book is the perfect one for you. Most of these mantras can be found on the internet and the author only briefly introduced the goddess stating that we should already know who she is or else, why would we be reading this book? Kadmon missed the opportunity to bring the beauty of Lakshmi to readers who had never heard of her before. Granted if the reader doesn't know who she is, they probably wouldn't be researching her or trying to find a book on her. But what if they were curious and the introduction to the book called to them, the opportunity was lost.

Now when he went in with the mantras, he did state the original language and the english translation of them and then followed brief exercises to use the mantras for, which I found very useful. Kadmon states that the mantras are extremely powerful and will work with the right intent. There is also a lot of white space in the book that I plan on taking notes in with my own findings, therefore creating a little personalized book for Lakshmi.

However one thing that I cannot understand is the spelling errors. There were several spelling errors in the book, simple words too such as 'the' and 'she'. If Kadmon had had an editor to review the book, or if Kadmon had read over the book themselves, the spelling errors could have been avoided. Also the book itself was quite short; most of the information in the book is available online and other then the mantras and exercises, the book was unoriginal. What I am implying is that I wish there was more to it. I wanted it to have more information that was unique and would aid in my spiritual growth. Overall, I would not recommend the book.

Love & Light

Ganshmi

* Yes I know I can just research this information on the internet, but there's something about having a book that it far more personal and intimate then just looking at a web page. I plan on saving the internet for last in my research. [But honestly if I had, I probably would have saved a few dollars]. 

My Dearly Departed Grandmother & Her Visits

When She Was Alive

My grandmother passed away in August this year due to a coupe of factors but one of them being she had Parkinson's disease. She had the disease for over ten years and fought her hardest to stay active, social, and witty until her dying day. I remember the day so clearly, the last time I saw her. At this point she was in hospice care since she kept falling down and no one was able to lift her up anymore. She had been in there for a year and I went to see her once a month [since I live a bit away from where she was]. Then the doctors told my parents that she didn't have much longer to live, so I upped my visitations to once a week, sacrificing my time to make sure I gave me all to her. The last time I saw her, I told her I loved her and would see her again next week. She stated she did not believe me. I told her again, making sure she remembered and understood I did love her and that I knew she loved me, just thinking that her medicine was making her say hurtful things instead of actually meaning them. Well there was no 'next time', she passed away before I saw her again. In disbelief when my mother texted me, I called her and told her it wasn't funny to joke around like that but I knew better. She confirmed her death and I have been missing her ever since.

As I said, my grandmother had been dealing with her illness for quite some time and upon learning of her death it did not make me feel any better. Of course she is no longer suffering but it is still hard to let someone go in this physical realm. I felt extreme guilt over not seeing her enough, having put my friends and other family visits on the back burner but still maintaining my full time job and school work. But what made me feel guilty the most was knowing she was going to pass.

I did a big booboo, a service so to speak that isn't necessarily against any certain rules, but it causes more harm then it does good. My friend and I had just made a pendulum for me, complete with a carnelian pendulum and pearls dangling on the string, my fingers resting on the OM and Tree of Life symbol to make sure it didn't fall. It responded to me right away and I loved it for having a strong connection. When hearing the impending death drawing so near, I asked a series of yes and no questions in regards to when she would pass. I did this in May; I only remember due to the fact I asked if it was going to happen in June, July, and August. It confirmed August. I thought about asking the exact date but decided against it, not wanting full knowledge of her passing. I am sure the pendulum would have told me but it was something I did not want to know, I did not want to count down. Now in retrospect, I still feel the guilt. It's been hard celebrating this Thanksgiving and now the December holidays without her or her cards with the chicken scratch handwriting. 

Not actual photo of property but portrays the message.

Her First Visit

On September 23rd, precisely 1.5 months since her passing, I went to one of my friend's Mabon rituals that was being held in her backyard [which was quite woodsy and beautiful might I add] and it was the first time I went to one of her rituals. The ritual itself was set up in a more celtic manner, for we called in the ancestors, the nature spirits, and the gods as well as the elements. In the beginning, they were explaining this time of year and what it meant to our ancestors and to us now and briefly explained what we were doing in ritual.

So we called in our ancestors and I happened to see an energy outline/aura standing a little towards my left. As I was staring at it, I said inside my mind "i wish i could see more. i want to see more." Suddenly there was an eye right before me, so close to me that it was touching my glasses. I didn't know what to think of it at first, but then the eye started backing up and then I could see a face. I could not, and still can not, believe who it was. It was my grandmother, who passed away just under two months ago. She had a fine line on her face and wide eyes, her signature look for when she was goofing off or making a silly face. I was so taken aback that I looked towards my friend but she was so enthralled in ritual that I didn't want to interrupt.

My grandmother stayed to my left throughout the whole ritual too. During the ritual however, we did an exercise where we took acorns [that were from the backyard] and put our blessings and intent into them, handed them to others in the circle, and placed one in the well for our ancestors. I gave two away to the group and one to the ancestors, wishing them mostly love and peace. I ended up receiving four and that alone overwhelmed me. I started tearing up, with the fact that I was receiving so much kindness and my grandmother was here that I could not hold back the sheer joy I was feeling. I wasn't expecting to cry or any aspect of the ritual, but it was very emotional and free feeling.

Towards the end of the ritual, we were told to bring the acorns close to our heart and to absorb the blessings. I did so and still felt overwhelming love from them and to my left. Then we released the ancestors after a bit, and I saw my grandmother turn into a light and ascend to the sky where a whole bunch of stars were shining down upon us. Needless to say I cried to my friend then and she told me that she called in her own goddess [for her own personal reasons] and she noticed a woman standing to my left but was going to ask me about it later. So naturally I asked what she looked like, and would you know it, she described my grandmother.

Her Second Visit

I was working my second job at a haunted house attraction and unfortunately did not get to experience this in person, but my friend's coven did a Samhain ritual where they called upon those who had passed this current year and my friend called my grandmother for me [this was before I joined the coven]. She had told me that my grandmother had appeared before her and wondered why she was called. She had explained to my grandmother why she was called and all she did nod. 

Each time my grandmother never spoke a word but only observed where she was, which makes me wonder if she has actually crossed over or not. I plan on finding out and perhaps even updating the blog, but then again who ever knows.

I hope you enjoyed my story, please let me know if you have one of your own.

Ganshmi

How To Not Be A Jerk This Holiday Season

Hello My Loves!

Drinks Are Fun Though!

Is it just me or does everyone and their mother want to have a Yule/Christmas/holiday party in December? Don't get me wrong, I love getting together and catching up with others as often as possible, but as someone who does not relatively like awkward social situations that usually take place in social settings such as these holiday parties, you tend to meet people you never have before. Given the nature of this holiday where we now give presents to one another in appreciation of knowing your soul, it could be awkward. If you find yourself in one of these types of situations, here's what NOT to do.

1] Do not in any circumstance state you're this all powerful witch. Oh please, do not introduce yourself as the most powerful supreme being in the whole universe. Chances are, you're not. I personally believe this is an insult to the gods whenever someone claims they can perform miracles. Remember when a certain someone did miracles? Yeah, they died. If you do end up doing this, you're going to be talked about negatively behind your back. So just don't.

2] Do not get wasted. Just don't. Having one glass is fine, especially if you're celebrating something at this party but do not plan on getting completely hammered. Depending upon what type of drunk person you are [yep, they're different types] you can potentially have an emotional episode, text your ex that you will regret in the morning, you worse, cause an accident. Just avoid it all together. But if you decide to drink, do me a favor and do not drink and drive.

3] Do not state how Christians stole the Yule holiday from pagans. Yes we all know and yes we do not need you repeating it. This is a happy occasion and a time for giving gifts, sharing laughs, telling stories, not making a crowd angry or upset.

4] Do not get upset if someone did not give you a gift. It's disappointing yes, especially if you bought a gift for them, but gifts are not things to be expected. Gifts are honors; they're surprises and should be respected as such. Perhaps they were on a tight budget or perhaps there are other reasons as to why they did not gift you. But sitting there getting angry over the fact they did not get you anything is not the spirit of any holiday. 

5] Do not claim your presents are better then someone else's. Come on, common etiquette. Also don't take someone else's gift, we are adults.

There probably should be more to this list and I will update it as I see fit. Enjoy your holiday season my dears.

Book Review: Witches In America by Alex Marr

Greetings My Loves!

Today I am going to discuss a review on a book I read a bit ago. If you do not wish to know how this book is writen or what it pertains, feel free to click off of this post but I have a hunch that since it has received numerous reviews and opinions such as those indicated here, here, here and here [along with my personal favorite being this one] then I figured my two cents wouldn't be too much to handle.

Under the Ancient Oaks/Patheos

Upon reading the reviews of this book I decided to form my own opinion on the words within this book. The other reviews I have read about the book are correct when she is describing other people's bodies, which I found to be a little unnecessary, especially when she describes one woman letting go of her problems and Alex describes this woman as obese with her boobs flattening as she twirls around (not quoting Alex's words word by word but am paraphrasing what she states).

“One very obese woman has chosen to go topless: her breasts are so pendulous they hang nearly to her navel, flattened into thick slabs. It is clear she is dancing a word that means something to her. She’s dancing it off, waving her arms , her skin rippling, and her long, frizzed-out hair askew. A large-bodied misfit.” (p. 52)

I do believe Alex was interested in learning about witches however, but she is instantly turned off by anything pagan related except for those of the extreme, such as the two types of groups she tends to study about which is the Feri tradition and the OTO. The vast majority of the pagan community is NOT represented in this book and should not be considered as such. This to me is a tad bit annoying for the soul reason that the 'simple' or 'mundane' way of magickal practice was not worthy enough of her to write about. She constantly states how she wants to be 'wowed' into being a believer in something bigger then herself, which is fine. I get it. You want the proof, in fact we all did at one point or another. But attending regular circles and not finding them 'magickal' enough is a bit absurd. However, she goes into her own experiences, such as her Samhain vision and her breathing techniques, I sense she is trying to understand what she is learning, which I can admire in her writing. And she does try to delve into other styles of paganism, such as the all women's group that I believe to be Dianic but I could be wrong. 

The necromancy chapter was completely unnecessary and unrelated to the whole book in its entirety. I felt it was put in there for a shock value as it was just randomly thrown in there towards the end of the book, being the third to last chapter. Details of that were a bit disturbing and you know, if it had been a common theme in the book, then I probably wouldn't have as much of an issue about the chapter but the randomness of that threw me off. She is constantly switching from stories about her trying to get into the Feri tradition and to understand it and then the next chapter she is experiencing OTO and its initiation/public rituals. The ending as well did upset me too, for I felt there should have been more added into the story. After being initiated into two covens, I am surprised she didn't disclose how she fell out of the traditions. For the Feri one, I do recall her stating she did not feel she belonged there, which is completely fine and she did have a conversation with the woman disclosing her wishes. However with the OTO, she was initiated and then the book ended. You don't get a sense of anything more magickal in her practice after that which makes me wonder if that's also another reason there is so much angst against this novel.

As far as the disclosing of private information, she does list first names or craft names, but discloses on some of them, not all, that she will not share their identities for they did not grant her permission. I do not know anyone involved in this book and had only heard of a few pagan groups mentioned, so I cannot comment whether the information is obscene or not. I could not look up these individuals just by the information in this book alone however. I am not stating that those upset with this book are not unjust in their ratings or opinions, especially since there are so many, and perhaps if I were more involved in this realm I would understand more. I could however, see if you knew these individuals you would be able to pick up who exactly she is talking about without her stating a name and that to me is a bit unsettling. The emails she had shared weren't that extreme to be honest, so I do not understand the whole outrage on that part. One email contained two binding spell techniques, and perhaps that is why people are upset over the emails. The sharing of rituals however, I can understand why they would be upset over her sharing their rituals, initiations, etc. because in a lot of traditions, those things are kept secret for a reason.

So overall I did enjoy her encounter but some things in the book and the way she went about it is a bit disturbing. I do not think she painted paganism, specifically the Feri or OTO traditions in a bad light at all, but she did not conclude if she wished to study paganism more or not towards the end [ I am assuming she didn't based on other reviews and claims ]. This book, according to Alex, was several years of research and experiences in the making, and I felt the ending was really rushed or just came to an abrupt halt. After making pledges to two covens specifically, I can't imagine how they felt about this book.

Hindu Paganism & What It Means To Me

What is Hindu Paganism and what exactly do I mean when I say that is what I practice?

Well, like any other pantheon in paganism, if you ask 10 of them the same question you're going to get 12 different answers. Meaning, not everyone views each practice the same way and that is perfectly fine. These are my reflections of hindu paganism and they are also subject to change.

Emaze.com 

Hindu Paganism [also has been called Indopaganism and Shakti Paganism amongst many other names, there seems to be no one name we all agree on] to me is paganism with the practice of Hindu deities. Now this can vary depending upon a person's personal preferences [try saying that 5x fast] but overall, the hindu gods have a stronger connection to us then any other gods. Just like those who follow the Norse, Greek, Celtic, Egyptian, etc. deities, we follow the Hindu pantheon.

The two who have the strongest relationship with me are Ganesha, the remover of obstacles and Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth, prosperity, and abundance [thus my name, Ganshmi]. At first when I was studying paganism, I thought I was called upon by Aphrodite and it wasn't until I received a reading that Lakshmi was calling me. I was very much taken aback but after listening to the reading, I realized that this was true, and my own hypothesis is that Lakshmi was using a goddess I knew that was similar to her to begin drawing myself to her. Needless to say, it worked.

Now this is not to say I go to the hindu temples and worship there, [which I honestly could, there is one by my house by only a 15 minute drive but I sadly do not have the time to go and worship in the temple at this time] I worship in the comfort of my own home. Furthermore, I do not take on any hindu customs at this time. I follow my day to day just like any other American would. However, I do try to celebrate some of the hindu holidays such as Diwali, the festival of lights and Ganesh Chaturthi, Ganesha's birthday. Though I am still researching and figuring out what is best for my worship and what pleases my deities, I feel that it will come in due time.

The trouble now is that I am still in the closet in my home, thus my worship is extremely limited. Currently I am reading up on my deities, as well as many more in the hindu pantheon, and it is believed that just by reading up on them and learning them is honoring them. I am able to read at work and online without having to worry about people asking what I am reading. I also am able to make or buy specific candles for my deities and say my mantras to them that I learned during Philly Pagan Pride Day 2015. Om Shreem Heem Lakshmieh Namaha and Om Gaum Ganapataya Namaha [I might not have spelled these correctly]. I have not played with herbs as of yet, but have used some pictures and crystals. I find that they know my situation and understand my circumstances.

And that is the general overview of my hindu paganism. I know this will continue as I develop and grow, so stay tuned!

love & light, Ganshmi

Meet Me, Ganshmi

Greetings My Loves!

My name is Ganshmi and I will be writing a blog post on anything that comes to mind. Here you will find current events, holiday topics, struggles with being in the broom closet, health and diet, and much more. This will be more of an actual blog but will be mostly related to pagan like ideas. 

Now for a little about me. I am female that is 24 years young living in New Jersey and am living in an 'in the closet' type situation for the time being. I am mainly out of the closet except to family members of mine and my boyfriend's. We live with his mother at the time being but plan on looking for houses beginning in 2016 (super excited about that by the way) in our area. I have been a practicing pagan for a year now (yes, baby pagan) but according to my past lives, this is not something new to my soul, just new to me until I begin remembering again. I do not have free reign to practice apart from candle magick and meditation, which for now is fine. I however am part of a coven that lets me celebrate the holidays and has become a family to me in such a short time frame.

Amazon

 I did not discover paganism by any sort of flashing light or some great beautiful goddess smacking me on the head. One day my boyfriend and I were walking around Princeton (by the college part of the town) because we had never done something like that before even though we live pretty close to the town. We did a little window shopping and when I spotted a book store, I wanted to check it out. I just obtained a new job and had a lot of free time to read books. Upon browsing, I came upon Babayaga by Toby Barlow and instantly knew I had to have the book. After purchasing it, it took me about a week with the free time I had to finish it. It peeked my interest with finding the witch who was not so good while there was another that was. There's also a love story and the detective becomes a flea! Oh it was so good haha. But then I had a thought, and this thought changed my entire world. Do witches exist today?

That question led me to do a simple Google search asking the same question. I found the words 'wicca' and 'paganism' amongst the top searches and began doing my research. I briefly heard of the word 'pagan' before but had no idea what they actually meant. Upon reading definitions of what they were, I began doing more research: what do they believe? how do they worship? what is magick and why does it have a 'k' at the end of it? etc. and found upon reading, I felt I agreed more with the idea of paganism and wicca then I ever had with christianity. Now I am not saying christianity is wrong, but it never settled well with me. A god that loves everyone regardless of their sins yet cannot accept gay marriage though we are created in his own vision? That thought was the strongest against my beliefs, being a form of pansexual (not exactly sure what to call my sexuality at this time) and if I ever fell in love with anyone other then a male, I could not get married to them. That and the church I did not agree with because I felt them to be greedy. You were judged for throwing in little money, or no money at all, even if it was a choice between food for your family and the salary of the priest.  I felt you could worship the lord anywhere, it did not have to be inside the church on a Sunday morning.

Then I began researching groups in my area and went to find online discussion groups such as WiccanTogether and PaganSpace, which I still am active on, and WitchVox where I found a few covens in the area who do public classes. Thus my research began to take off and I was in the mindset of transforming my spirituality. My family is super religious so I chose not to tell them for the sake of having a relationship with them, although my mother might come around. I do not know if I will ever tell them at this point, but I was sure I was not going to tell anyone and yet I have told my closest friends about my new founded religion. They have been surprisingly supportive and it does help that most of my friends now are pagan.

But this post is already long enough and I shall describe exactly what I do and what I practice at a later date. Thanks for reading!
Love & Light, Ganshmi