Joining A Coven While In The Closet

Greetings Loves!

I've been wanting to write this post for a while and honestly, I'm not sure how this is going to come out. I'm going to just let my opinions and words flow through my mind and onto the keyboard so bare with me if I go on a random tangent haha.

Today I wanted to just write to everyone and share a recent endeavor I have come across in my current status of life in hopes that others may either be interested or share similar experiences to mine. As some of you may or may not be aware [and chances are if you're reading my blog to begin with then you know this] that I am in the broom closet. This is something I currently chose to do even though day by day I find myself stepping out of it. For those who have never been in the closet or for those who have not been in the closet for more than five years, you might have forgotten what this entails. Basically I don't share my religion with those I am not comfortable with sharing the information to. At first I was debating upon not telling a single soul, but when I found out that I had to confide in someone about my religious identity, my boyfriend was the first person I told. Sooner rather then later, most of my friends were pagan [and this was after going out and venturing off to meet other pagans] and those who I consider my closest friends I told. However my family and my boyfriend's family is unaware of my religious status.

When I came across a public circle of my current coven, then just another group I was venturing out to, I knew that this was the place I felt at home. It was a moon ritual held at a local UU church and my first meeting I found myself sharing my deepest concerns and secrets to people I hardly knew. I felt called to share, to open myself up to these people and most importantly, I felt safe. Since then, I did everything I could do to join. I attended their classes and all of their events that I was able to. I eventually got invited to their semi private events and became a dedicant to joining the coven. In Yule of 2015, I officially became a member. 

Thank you Google for this lovely picture!

Since joining, I found that a lot of my free time was taken up by various activities in the pagan community, such as public festivals and my coven job. Though these things I do not mind since I enjoy them greatly, I found that I've pushed some things into the back burner due to the amount of work I am doing. I do have a full time job as well as part time online school to obtain my bachelors degree. Then I have these events, friend time and then other responsibilities that take up my free time. What did I push back on the burner? My biological family. 

Though I do communicate with them every now and then, my family and I have not always seen eye to eye. Though I do love them and I know they love me without a doubt, I can just feel that our relationship isn't going to be this close knit family that I had envisioned in my youth. My family is moving to another state which will be a five hour drive from where I currently live and my aunt, uncle and grandfather are following suite. My cousins who are only an hour from me are not interested in my life and my older siblings that are two hours from me are busy raising my niece and nephew. I honestly don't have any set schedule to take a day or two to go visit everyone, which makes staying in the picture difficult. My boyfriend's family is staying within the area we are currently in, but we too don't always see eye to eye. Things will change once we [finally] move out. 

As for if I feel any sort of void in having a family, I do but I don't. I'm going to miss my family but we've already been distant for so long, it isn't something new for me. I've had my grieving period over them being gone and not so into my life as they were before, we're growing in different directions and more importantly in different religions. Not saying that our religion differences are tearing us apart, as I said I am in the closet, but it doesn't mean I'm making a last ditch effort into seeing them every weekend. 

But before this turns into a completely different post then I intended it to be, I've noticed that joining a coven while in the closet can be an easy task as long as those you're living with know where you're going. Not everyone in the house I live in knows where I go, but my boyfriend does and has even covered for me many times. As for my biological family, if they ask me to come over I will to the best of my ability but I am letting my spirituality take precedence over my life for now. After that, those who love and will accept me for who I really am will be next. My biological family isn't in that category. But my pagan family, my coven, is and always will be.