Life Update

Hello loves!

Has it really been almost a month since I've posted? Oops!

Let me take the time to fill you in on everything that has been going on. Basically I took the plunge and decided to officially become a Certified Crystal Healer (CCH) through Hibiscus Moon Crystal Academy (HBCA)! When I got the offer and found out that I could easily afford it, my soul did back flips.... yes back flips... and I patiently waited for two weeks before class officially started. Now that I'm two classes in and not only doing the classes, taking notes and patiently fulfilling my #ohmwork (I love this name by the way) I have confirmed that this is definitely the right path for me. The science behind it is interesting, even though I honestly am not interested in science whatsoever, and learning about various techniques and really pinpointing what crystals are and how powerful they are, I have a new appreciation for Momma Earth's creations! 

Left is Lepidolite & Right is Chrysoprase. Both are mine!

During this #ohmwork I've been forced to stop wearing my sugilite pendant and really focus on just meditating and wearing one stone for 3-4 days with a resting day in between each stone. Last week I worked with lepidolite, this week I am working with chrysoprase. Lepidolite was a ver calming stone and it filled me with a lot of peace. It had been itching to work with me for quite some time so when I found out this assignment was heavily suggested (ohmwork is not required whatsoever and not scored for grade), I thought it was the perfect time. Now that I've work chrysoprase for just one day (even as I am typing this post) I found myself to be quite literally in a better mood, similar to how my sugilite makes me feel. Though I do miss my sugilite, chrysoprase is a wonderful temporary replacement!

But anyways, let's stop my ranting about my crystal experience because otherwise this whole post will be about crystals. I am still working at my job and going to my regular school as well. I did end up spending time with my family this past weekend, ended up getting sick the same day (is this a sign? I do not know) but overall am managing to be in high spirits. I got some decent news at work recently but know that I will have to work twice as hard until the situation is resolved. I don't know if I should go into detail about my work life, so I won't right now. 

I've also been doing a lot of things for my coven, such as starting rehearsals for our Shapatu of Ishtar and I am playing the role of Gestishtar. I won't spoil the ending for you in case you decide to join us in Central NJ this year but you don't want to miss it. It's a two night, two day camping ritual reenactment of the Babylonian Goddess Ishtar and her marriage to Tammuz. Once we have a web page for it indicated I will post another post with an update, but for now you can view some of the info here. But all we've done so far is reading through the script and some of the costuming and craft making. I personally have been working on the advertising of the event and spreading the word as well as making promotional material as a good graphic designer does. Not only that but other coven duties that happened to fall into my lap. Not that I truly mind, but you know, more work.

And that's sort of where I am leaving off. As you can see, many things have kept me preoccupied but I do miss my writing. I'm going to try to make a better effort, especially because I have so many ideas just sitting in the draft section and waiting for me to write them if I am being honest.

Let me know down below what you've been up to!
Love & Light
Ganshmi

My Dearly Departed Grandmother & Her Visits

When She Was Alive

My grandmother passed away in August this year due to a coupe of factors but one of them being she had Parkinson's disease. She had the disease for over ten years and fought her hardest to stay active, social, and witty until her dying day. I remember the day so clearly, the last time I saw her. At this point she was in hospice care since she kept falling down and no one was able to lift her up anymore. She had been in there for a year and I went to see her once a month [since I live a bit away from where she was]. Then the doctors told my parents that she didn't have much longer to live, so I upped my visitations to once a week, sacrificing my time to make sure I gave me all to her. The last time I saw her, I told her I loved her and would see her again next week. She stated she did not believe me. I told her again, making sure she remembered and understood I did love her and that I knew she loved me, just thinking that her medicine was making her say hurtful things instead of actually meaning them. Well there was no 'next time', she passed away before I saw her again. In disbelief when my mother texted me, I called her and told her it wasn't funny to joke around like that but I knew better. She confirmed her death and I have been missing her ever since.

As I said, my grandmother had been dealing with her illness for quite some time and upon learning of her death it did not make me feel any better. Of course she is no longer suffering but it is still hard to let someone go in this physical realm. I felt extreme guilt over not seeing her enough, having put my friends and other family visits on the back burner but still maintaining my full time job and school work. But what made me feel guilty the most was knowing she was going to pass.

I did a big booboo, a service so to speak that isn't necessarily against any certain rules, but it causes more harm then it does good. My friend and I had just made a pendulum for me, complete with a carnelian pendulum and pearls dangling on the string, my fingers resting on the OM and Tree of Life symbol to make sure it didn't fall. It responded to me right away and I loved it for having a strong connection. When hearing the impending death drawing so near, I asked a series of yes and no questions in regards to when she would pass. I did this in May; I only remember due to the fact I asked if it was going to happen in June, July, and August. It confirmed August. I thought about asking the exact date but decided against it, not wanting full knowledge of her passing. I am sure the pendulum would have told me but it was something I did not want to know, I did not want to count down. Now in retrospect, I still feel the guilt. It's been hard celebrating this Thanksgiving and now the December holidays without her or her cards with the chicken scratch handwriting. 

Not actual photo of property but portrays the message.

Her First Visit

On September 23rd, precisely 1.5 months since her passing, I went to one of my friend's Mabon rituals that was being held in her backyard [which was quite woodsy and beautiful might I add] and it was the first time I went to one of her rituals. The ritual itself was set up in a more celtic manner, for we called in the ancestors, the nature spirits, and the gods as well as the elements. In the beginning, they were explaining this time of year and what it meant to our ancestors and to us now and briefly explained what we were doing in ritual.

So we called in our ancestors and I happened to see an energy outline/aura standing a little towards my left. As I was staring at it, I said inside my mind "i wish i could see more. i want to see more." Suddenly there was an eye right before me, so close to me that it was touching my glasses. I didn't know what to think of it at first, but then the eye started backing up and then I could see a face. I could not, and still can not, believe who it was. It was my grandmother, who passed away just under two months ago. She had a fine line on her face and wide eyes, her signature look for when she was goofing off or making a silly face. I was so taken aback that I looked towards my friend but she was so enthralled in ritual that I didn't want to interrupt.

My grandmother stayed to my left throughout the whole ritual too. During the ritual however, we did an exercise where we took acorns [that were from the backyard] and put our blessings and intent into them, handed them to others in the circle, and placed one in the well for our ancestors. I gave two away to the group and one to the ancestors, wishing them mostly love and peace. I ended up receiving four and that alone overwhelmed me. I started tearing up, with the fact that I was receiving so much kindness and my grandmother was here that I could not hold back the sheer joy I was feeling. I wasn't expecting to cry or any aspect of the ritual, but it was very emotional and free feeling.

Towards the end of the ritual, we were told to bring the acorns close to our heart and to absorb the blessings. I did so and still felt overwhelming love from them and to my left. Then we released the ancestors after a bit, and I saw my grandmother turn into a light and ascend to the sky where a whole bunch of stars were shining down upon us. Needless to say I cried to my friend then and she told me that she called in her own goddess [for her own personal reasons] and she noticed a woman standing to my left but was going to ask me about it later. So naturally I asked what she looked like, and would you know it, she described my grandmother.

Her Second Visit

I was working my second job at a haunted house attraction and unfortunately did not get to experience this in person, but my friend's coven did a Samhain ritual where they called upon those who had passed this current year and my friend called my grandmother for me [this was before I joined the coven]. She had told me that my grandmother had appeared before her and wondered why she was called. She had explained to my grandmother why she was called and all she did nod. 

Each time my grandmother never spoke a word but only observed where she was, which makes me wonder if she has actually crossed over or not. I plan on finding out and perhaps even updating the blog, but then again who ever knows.

I hope you enjoyed my story, please let me know if you have one of your own.

Ganshmi