Blaming The Victim Needs To Stop

This past weekend after celebrating a joyous holiday season, which of course begins with Yule and ends with Christmas Day, my car was went into without my permission and the contents of my car were thrown about. Upon further realization I saw that the change I had in my car was missing and that the trash was sprawled all around it. My Goodwill finds were left unbroken and untouched, something I am grateful for. However they decided to remove my Brigid's cross and throw it on passenger's seat, leave my car repair receipts inside and didn't bother throwing away the trash. How does that make me feel? Violated, taken advantage of, but most of all angry. Angry that someone had the nerve to come into my car and steal my cash, a precious item that I was going to use in case my tires get low or I needed toll money. Cash that I have very little of, but I guess if you need money bad enough to steal it, then you can have the $4 I gave you. Perhaps I can write it off during my tax returns.

I was angry most of the day, having to leave for work before I could file a police report. As one would do, I vented my frustrations out on Facebook, hoping to gain some sort of support or words to calm me down, instead it made me angrier.

I initially contact my aunt, who used to work as a police officer who is now retired, to ask her opinion on the situation. She immediately asked if I locked my car, to which I said "guess not". She laughs innocently enough and gives me the advice I seek. I post this status to my feed, which conjures up more emotions inside of me.*

Do you see how many shares this received? Exactly.

I generally was not interested in a pity party or a lecture in locking my cars, but that is precisely what I received on my regular account **. I received only two other text messages and two other people who expressed interest in what had happened to me, all of them along the lines of this:

And though most of these messages were trying to be helpful, all it did was end up making me angrier. What difference does it make if I locked my car or not? Surely yes, the obvious thing is that my car probably would not have been invaded as it did, but why should I have to lock my car? I should be able to leave it unlocked and expect it to remain the way I left it in the morning. I shouldn't have to constantly fear that someone is going to invade my personal space and take my things, why did no one realize that? Eventually my anger got to a boiling point and I posted this* :

(Language Warning)

I still stand by this statement. Where was the cry over someone who ROBBED me? It was instantly blamed as my fault for leaving my car unlocked. Though I have no right to compare, that's the same exact notion as blaming a rape victim for dressing a certain way which caused them to be raped. That's how I honestly felt, victimized. We have a right to dress any way we want without the fear of being touched inappropriately just as I have the right to leave my car unlocked without someone messing with my belongings. 

But that's how we as a society are now. So quick to blame the victim for messing up or being comfortable in a situation to let their guard down. So easy to place the guilt on the victim and to ultimately make them feel even worse for the wrong things that happened to them. NO MORE.

STOP. BLAMING. THE. VICTIM.

It is the WRONG doers fault for breaking the law or getting themselves into the situation. Where is the outcry for them? Where is the outcry for justice? When as a society, we feel it socially acceptable to make the person who is suffering feel worse? Wake up America.

Whether it's gun violence, assault, theft, murder, etc. it is NEVER okay to blame the victim in any way, shape or form. 

However, in my case I did end up receiving a ton of support on my private account.

(Language Warning)

Which I am most utterly grateful for. It's nice to know my community is more kind hearted then my own family and people I have known since grade school, but what can you do?

I won't let these people get to me, I will continue to live my life as I did before. However for most people this isn't the case. The victim's do not get their support or comfort, which is why you always watch what you say to people. You never know what they are dealing with.

Remember to spread positivity, acceptance and most importantly love to the world.

Much Love and Light my loves,

Ganshmi

*Names and images have been removed and/or blurred over privacy concerns.

** I have two Facebook accounts, one as my regular one and the other for my pagan friends. I am still in the broom closet.

How To Not Be A Jerk This Holiday Season

Hello My Loves!

Drinks Are Fun Though!

Is it just me or does everyone and their mother want to have a Yule/Christmas/holiday party in December? Don't get me wrong, I love getting together and catching up with others as often as possible, but as someone who does not relatively like awkward social situations that usually take place in social settings such as these holiday parties, you tend to meet people you never have before. Given the nature of this holiday where we now give presents to one another in appreciation of knowing your soul, it could be awkward. If you find yourself in one of these types of situations, here's what NOT to do.

1] Do not in any circumstance state you're this all powerful witch. Oh please, do not introduce yourself as the most powerful supreme being in the whole universe. Chances are, you're not. I personally believe this is an insult to the gods whenever someone claims they can perform miracles. Remember when a certain someone did miracles? Yeah, they died. If you do end up doing this, you're going to be talked about negatively behind your back. So just don't.

2] Do not get wasted. Just don't. Having one glass is fine, especially if you're celebrating something at this party but do not plan on getting completely hammered. Depending upon what type of drunk person you are [yep, they're different types] you can potentially have an emotional episode, text your ex that you will regret in the morning, you worse, cause an accident. Just avoid it all together. But if you decide to drink, do me a favor and do not drink and drive.

3] Do not state how Christians stole the Yule holiday from pagans. Yes we all know and yes we do not need you repeating it. This is a happy occasion and a time for giving gifts, sharing laughs, telling stories, not making a crowd angry or upset.

4] Do not get upset if someone did not give you a gift. It's disappointing yes, especially if you bought a gift for them, but gifts are not things to be expected. Gifts are honors; they're surprises and should be respected as such. Perhaps they were on a tight budget or perhaps there are other reasons as to why they did not gift you. But sitting there getting angry over the fact they did not get you anything is not the spirit of any holiday. 

5] Do not claim your presents are better then someone else's. Come on, common etiquette. Also don't take someone else's gift, we are adults.

There probably should be more to this list and I will update it as I see fit. Enjoy your holiday season my dears.